Peddletones and Poppycock
Last night my Lord returned from the wars and pleasured me twice with his boots on.

5060072089124:

i know what you’re thinking haha who did i have to kill to get this url

icarly2007:

mom: i love you (:

me: Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people. 

umq:

oh.

bombinghills:

My girlfriend has been saying ‘voglio scoparti’ which is Italian for ‘i wanna fuck’ for the past hour in front of my parents and I don’t think she realizes that my parents are fluent in Italian and I’m too much of an ass to tell her that

weavemunchers:

imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday, every half hour goes to your room opens the door and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves

candidcatastrophe:

mootiness:

firony:

bombprince:

melonlordn:

ieatgokudera:

EYELASHES YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO PREVENT STUFF FROM FALLING IN MY EYE BUT WHEN YOU FALL IN MY EYE THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO YOU WERE MY LAST LINE OF DEFENSE AND YOU BETRAYED ME

How eyeronic

get off my post

You don’t have to lash out

these puns are far too cornea

Iris-spectably disagree